Dear Slayer,
 
On Earth we have great festivals like Beerfest, Octoberfest, Ribfest and others. Do you guys have something similar, like Bloodfest or Pillagefest?
I’m dying to know.
 
Morris
 
Withlacoochee, FL

We have Slayerpalooza!

Hey Slayer!!
 
Is it just me, or is Robert Mugabe, the self elected president of Zimbabwe sporting a Hitler moustache? What is it with despots and the perpetual runny nose look?
 
Dwight
 
Camden, NJ

The effect of a moustache on the masculine ego is a question for the ages. In my intergalactic travels, I have seen no better combat accessory than the moustache.

This fashion craze was popularized on Earth by the egomaniacal warlord Hitler.

• 
• Hitler; From Dirty Sanchez, to just plain dirty lip.

The Hitler Warlord fell into disfavor along with his moustache. This provided no end of amusement to the pseudo-intellectuals who then put the villainous ’stache upon those they deem evil…

• 
• Here, the Warlord Bush is sporting the evil moustache.

This brings us to Robert Mugabe. Mr. Mugabe has expressed admiration for the efficacy of Hitler’s policies.

Therefore, he has appropriated a version of the tryannical moustache, hoping to cash in on its mystical powers.

• 
• Robert Mugabe; he missed a spot.

There is little doubt that the moustache lends special powers to the masculine being.

Among Slayers, this is settled science. Seeing that we cannot grow moustaches, we rip them off the men we encounter and fashion our own. Here are some examples:

• 
• This is the Dirtiest Sanchez, an all-time favorite for raids.

___

• 
• Here’s Jim with the Groucho Glasses. He says they are Hitler glasses but I keep telling him Hitler didn’t wear glasses. “He does now, Bitch!” is always the retort. Oh well… 

___

• 
• This is me with Big Red.

When I don Big Red, my soul is on fire.

I remember once killing a baker. He was covered in flour, kneeling on the floor of his shop. I started throwing stuff around and shouted “Where are the f***ing raspberry cookies? I want some f***ing raspberry cookies!” He started to blubber and could not speak so I screamed “Pay homage to the Big Red moustache. Pay homage to the Big Red you maggot!”

He really let go then, because he had never been attacked by an alien with a glued on red moustache and I could tell it was harming his sanity. I killed him before he lost his grip on reality, but I never forgot the effect of the moustache.

Check out some photos of our Raids from The Slayer’s Photo Album!

I want to know how the slayer feels about both Obama and McCain.  And about the weakness of America’s general populous to stand up to the influx of muslim ideology.  Oh and what he would do with that Samir coward.  (I envision a photoshop with the Glaive and Samir). - Jason

#1- The man they call McCain would have made a fine Slayer…(rubs nonexistent chin)

The Obama figure is a bureaucrat of epic proportions. Whenever he speaks, many nod their heads in acquiescence. This is an example of what we call “the hive mind.”

#2- The religion of the raider peoples has spread its tendrils far across your world. The Black Fortress has ways of dealing with them. Such methods are inconceivable to your peoples for now. However, when you have suffered enough, pragmatism will stomp on idealism and the olive branch will be replaced by the sword.

#3- The earthling called Samir Kahn is propagandist. He proclaims his desire to be a martyr, so your countrymen should watch him carefully. As for the Glaive, I am a Slayer. I do not use such infernal trinkets.

Come forth my children and learn from the greatest warrior in the galaxy.

Seek the wisdom of The Slayer.