When we take him in the car, my cat opens his mouth for about 5 min… no sound. What is that?

Lyvonia Hark

Ft Hood, Texas

Your feline creature suffers from SBL. Suppressed Battle Lust.

Each time you ride in your vehicle, the feline fantasizes about slaying vermin.

Because your creature has been imprisoned in a feminized environment, with cutesy toys and scratching posts, the natural tendency to make war upon vermin has been left unfulfilled.

Get some feeder mice from the local pet store, and throw them and the cat into a kids plastic pool.

Then sit back like you are in Rome and watch the fun.

A good party tip is to number each mouse with permanent marker and take bets as to who will be slaughtered first. It heightens the drama, and your cat will enjoy the festive mood.

Dear Slayer,
 
What are the pros and cons of having a hamster as a pet?
 
Thanks!

Barb in FL

The Earthlings proclivity to usher vermin into their homes is unique in the galaxy. No place in the universe has peoples who love and cuddle rodents like the Earthers do. This has led me to believe that the hamster has hypnotic powers over human beings.

“Observe my hamster powers human filth!

You shall feed me.

You shall clean my poop.

You will love me, though I will use you.

You are slave to the Ham.”

The pros:

Hamsters only live two to three years.

They don’t bark.

The Cons:

Hamsters only live two to three years, long enough for kids to develop a broken heart.

They don’t bark. Some people like this. Especially burglars and other human waste.

They bite you and your kids, not the burglars.

If you don’t clean the cage, it stinks.

Work for reward ratio is a raw deal. You take care of it until it dies and it gives you nothing in return.

The verdict: If you want one more thing to take care of, get a hamster.

I remember laying waste to family years ago and all they had in the house was a hamster. I ate it, right in front of their children.

Good thing for us Slayers they didn’t have a dog.