Dear Slayer, When you’re out cruising in your rocketship, what’s usually in the tape deck? Do you prefer David Bowie’s Major Tom, Elton John’s Rocket Man or Afrika Bambaata’s Planet Rock? Do you and Jim ever fight over tape deck control?
 
Jeff,

Brisbane, Australia

The Slayers traverse the universe inside The Black Fortress, (see Krull) we do not use Flash Gordon style transportation. Of the artists you named, I would go with Afrika Bambaata.

However, those don’t really cut it for us. I pick the music before the raids, as I am the Propaganda Minister for pre-raid preparation and I have to say Rob Zomie’s Supercharger Heaven, American Nightmare and Superbeast have been the favorites lately.

If I think an upcoming skirmish might be difficult, I throw on Skindred’s Nobody. If the circumstances are extreme, then I call upon Battery, by Metallica.

I remember having to bash out a spy’s skull with an ice cream scooper. The thrasing of Battery inspired me to finish the job when my arm got tired. The wailing agony of that man, what a baby he was, crying over such a cool death I gave him. How many can say they were beaten to death by an ice cream scooper? Such originality…

As for Jim, he is into 80’s hair bands. 

Dear Slayer,
 
My girlfriend gets upset when I sing the Black Betty song. “Whoah Black Betty Bama ba bam! Whoa Black Betty wham Ba Lam!”  I tried explaining to her that it’s about a civil war era rifle but she doesn’t believe me. Instead she accuses me of wanting to have relations with a black girl, Betty or otherwise.
 
I love my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose her. I’ll admit that alot of black girls are hot but that is not why I sing the song. Please give us a reference that will settle this once and for all.
 
Mitch,
 
Brockton, MA

Well Mitch, I am sure black women all over the world are glad to have your “admission” the some of them are hot. They can all get on with their lives now.

The song Black Betty is purported to originally be about a flintlock rifle, later on it was a wagon and then later still, a woman.

As far as your girlfriends insecurity, tell her that her flat wonderbread butt does not compare to the double mocha mountain majesty possessed by so many Earth women.

Why is that dude from Weezer always whining about what a loser he is? Where have all the manly singers gone?
 
Geoff,  Miami

___

The wheezing lead singer of Weezer is a sad example of what passes for a man on your planet today.

He is a victim of estrogen pollution.

Across the galaxy there is an epidemic of declining masculinity. Manly singers are slowly losing their balls. This is due in large part to the estrogen intoxication that permeates the entertainment industry.
The sickness of estrogen intoxication is particularly devastating to the natural man. It causes overly critical introspection, emotional outbursts and endless blathering due to heightened insecurity.
These conditions lead to the medical condition “Testiculum Reductus.”
Even masculine icons like Tom Jones have gone soft. James Brown is dead.
The last outpost of the manly singer is Country Music.
Alan Jackson, Trace Adkins, Daryl Worley, Phill Vassar and Toby Keith to name a few.